I need.

To play Kingdom Hearts again.

Real update will be on the way. I promise. I just for some reason have keyblades on the brain. Man. Weird.

A well-deserved pat on the back.

As I was writing out a multitude of checks this morning to pay my loans and car payment for the month, I came to a pretty awesome conclusion. I do not give myself enough credit (for having good credit!).

During my senior year of college, I was pretty frickin' poor. This is due in part to the fact that I could not work as many hours as I had in previous semesters due to the heavy course load in the fall and then student teaching in the spring. And this is on top of the fact that, while a bargain-hunter, I am also very aware that I am a pretty frivolous spender.

Then I did the whole teaching at the charter school thing, which became teaching and working at the lodge, which just became working at the lodge. And even though I only had one job, I was still doing pretty well for myself. I was able to pay all my loans, and I was able to afford an apartment. After a look at my finances later, I found that I was also capable of purchasing a new car. When I went about purchasing that car, I found out my credit score for the first time ever, and I must say, I'm pretty pleased with myself for that one. For being a chick fresh out of college with a shit ton of loans and the like, never having a credit card, etc, I did pretty well for myself. And I'm still doing pretty well for myself.

Now I'm working at the lodge on the weekends, and subbing during the week. I thought I would come out about even to where I was at before, but I may be making a little less money now. Here's the part where we'll see if I do get that pat on the back. I'm going to need to reign in the frivolous spending a bit in order to keep myself in line. This means cutting back on the going out and the buying of clothes whenever I feel like it kinda things. I'll keep you posted as to whether I can handle it. I'm almost positive I can.

Today has been an excellent day for people-watching thus far.

I did not get a call to sub this morning, which was an enormous disappointment to me. It's like I was in the classroom for one day, and then they just said "That's enough...enjoy a couple days off with your thoughts. Have fun freaking yourself out!" I'm going to try not setting my alarm tomorrow and see what happens.

Anyway, I was awake very early, so I did some stuff I don't normally do. Like, pay my rent before the due date, and actually use the fitness center. I ran for about a half hour on the treadmill whilst listening to Daft Punk and Kanye West, which added to my list of things I do not normally do, as I do not normally listen to Daft Punk or Kanye West.

I woke my roommate up because I was afraid he was dead rather than sleeping. He does not make a peep when he comes in from class and immediately goes back to sleep. He may be a ninja. We talked for a half hour or so, and I decided that a trip to Barnes and Noble was in order.

And that's where I am now. People watching and being watched by people. An older gentleman just sat down with his wife at the table next to me. While she was ordering her drink, he sat down with his paper and started singing along to Adeste Fideles rather loudly. I don't know why, but it really got me into the Christmas spirit (whatever that is?) for a hot second. I think it was just because it was something that I would do, that I'm trying to keep myself from doing right now, that made the moment so endearing to me. I would, and more often than not, burst into song if I knew the words to whatever is playing over the Muzak in any store.

There is a young man sitting two tables away from me. Boyfriend definitely went the extra mile to point out that he continues to glance over here as he reads "Marley and Me" and checks his phone. He has the same phone that I do. I kinda wonder if he thinks of it as a switchblade phone like I do. Seriously, it's the only redeeming quality that phone has. This young man is kinda creepy, but kinda fun to watch, too. Maybe because I see bits of myself in him, also. It's funny that I find him a tad bit creepy, because the reasons I find him creepy would make myself creepy as well. He's just sitting there with a cup of coffee, reading a book. I'm just sitting here with my laptop, blogging. I finished my chai awhile ago. And maybe I'm creepier because I'm sitting here blogging about him. What I like about him, is that aside from him glancing over here from time to time, he's totally engrossed in that book. Like, to the point that he's laughing out loud at presumably funny parts. I do that all the time. I did it with my magazine earlier, and the store manager looked at me funny. What can I say.

The wife of the older gentleman just asked me if my hair was naturally this color. I said yes, and the man asked me how much I would sell it for. I'm in a weird mood today. That would normally freak me out a little, but I like the idea the the people I am watching are also watching me. I can't explain why I like that, other than the idea that we're maybe not all so different from each other. And I've definitely just rambled on for a ridiculously long post. I kinda miss typing from time to time, though. This felt good.

I'll work on conclusions for next time. For now, peace.

So why don't you...

I have decided that if I ever do get married, I would like to be married in a dress that looks very similar to the dress worn by the girl in the video for "Slide" by the Goo Goo Dolls. I would also not be opposed to pairing this dress with crazy curly hair and red, patent-leather mary-janes. Just saying.

As some may expect, and one definitely knows, this is not a blanket statement, and this outfit would not work for me in all marriage scenarios.

I've been missing in action lately because I accidentally left my computer at my parents' house, and I didn't feel like wasting the gas to go home and get it until I had to go to work. Which I did today.

I subbed my first day yesterday. That was cool.

It's really cold in gr8_space again. My nose is running. And my fingers are not working on the keys right because they are cold. But I did fix my Zune. And there is an opening at the middle school I just subbed at yesterday. Things are looking up, yes?

Is it too early to make a new year's resolution?

The number one thing that I suck at (aside from being lazy...However, I bet that one could make an argument for me actually being GOOD at being lazy): When it really counts, I can't always say what I really mean or what I really want to say.

With the majority of people, I can be as blunt as I want to be, and people generally just see it as the way Mariane is. Which is true, that is the way I am. But in certain situations, I find myself having trouble really speaking my mind.

And this is the reason for the early resolution: I'm going to communicate better with the people that really deserve it. And I am aware that communication is a two-way street. I believe that if a put the effort in on my part, it will only make it easier for the other party to be able to really talk to me as well. And good communication is the cornerstone of any good relationship.

Proud to be an American?

I did a heck of a lot of driving today. This morning I got up at 6:30, drove to Brodheadsville, got a physical and three shots, drove home, drove my sister to pick up her boyfriend in Avoca, drove home, drove back to my apartment, went to the movies, and I am now, finally, home and in bed.

My sister's boyfriend came home from Afghanistan today. He was on a pretty long tour, 9 months or so. I hemmed and hawed today about having to drive my sister there to pick him up at the airport, but I'm really glad that I still followed through with it. I don't know why I didn't realize that these troops coming home would be a really huge deal. When we got to the airport, there was a designated area of the terminal for army family and friends to wait. We stood around for about a half hour before the plane landed and all of the soldiers got off. I am extremely anti-war and relatively anti-military, but when I saw my sister's boyfriend walking off the plane, and when he stopped immediately to give her a big hug, I lost it. So, I definitely cried for a little. And for a moment, I thought I might be proud to be an American or something like that.

The thing that really got to me was all the little kids who were waiting for their daddies to come home. I have never seen so many kids so happy in such a long time. No matter what my ideals may be, I really am glad that I got to be there today and be a part of that.

In other news, I'm really looking forward to writing about a bunch of things in here. Soon to come:
-"Keeping Christ in Christmas"
-My review of the movie version of Twilight
-The atrocious grammar of the Backstreet Boys in their lyrics, specifically "All I Have to Give."

Always the summers are slipping away...

I haven't blogged in a bit; therefore, I have a lot to say.

My title line is appropriate both for last nights show and the fact that I miss summer. It's kinda funny, because, as horrible as this sounds if you read between the lines, summer pretty much started for me around the first week in April this year. And during that time, I traded an extremely tight-knit group of friends for a group of cool kids who hung out in a bar once a week and were thus loosely connected. When I think about it in those terms, that does not seem like the most life-changing of events or decisions, but I think it happened that way for a reason. Or several extremely specific reasons.

That tight, tiny group is still there, but we're in different places now. We'll never be the same again. And even though a group of bests has drifted apart, I got way closer with my bffl. Who is now halfway across the planet, but still the closest friend I have.

And because of things happening the way that they did, I'm in a wonderful relationship. In so many ways, I could not be happier.

I'm going to begin substitute teaching soon, so I can get back to what I know I should be doing with my life.

Everything works out the way it should; everything happens for a reason. Like going to Dunkin Donuts that morning. That had to happen. And thank god it did. There's a little bit of sanity back in the Valley.

On a much, much lighter note: On the way down to the show last night, Jess made an amusing comment about how Edward Cullen's hair is so perfect because he's had about a century to stand it front of his bedroom mirror combing and mussing until it's just right while listening to "Creep" on repeat. So what do Jess and I do during that song? "I'm a creep...I'm a vampire...What the hell am I doing in Forks?" You get the idea. At least if you have read the Twilight books and have a vague idea of the sound of Radiohead's "Creep," you get the idea.

I'm not quite sure why, but I feel like some things are ending, and that's why I'm writing this the way that I am. It was Boyfriend's last show of the year, but there's just something else looming out there that is casting this weird sense of finality over my day. It could be that it's kind of gloomy out. It could be that I still have red nail polish on and no nail polish remover and that fact is making me twitch because there are few things in this world that I hate more than the feeling of nail polish on my fingernails. It could be that I just haven't written in awhile. Or maybe something big is about to change or end or maybe even begin. I'm excited to be along for the ride, wherever it may take me.