But if you left it up to me

I love PostSecret, and I love the fact that I have someone's secret as my desktop background.

I think that makes everything all right.

If music be the food of love...

"Play on" if you're a fan of Shakespeare; "Sing on," if you're a fan of PMEA District 9 Chorus 2003. Both have great meaning to me, so...yeah.

I'm taking a brief break from my regularly scheduled NaNoWriMo-ing to visit my blog. I had a lovely realization this evening on my ride home from choir, and I felt the need to comment on it.

I never officially participated in PAI, but I am starting to understand that "Art is a bond." Side note: Let's face it; if I had gone to PAI, the only thing that would have happened would have been that my love for a certain then long-haired choir director would have gotten a shot at an earlier start. Thus, not so sad that I never had a bajillion dollars to cough up for that program.

But I digress.

"Art is a bond." Looking back over all of my friendships, past and present, I realized that the strongest and longest lasting friendships I have had have all been forged in music or theater. "Art is a bond." I have this feeling that it's the music that's been keeping us connected for all these years.

I listened to some District Chorus pieces on the car ride home, and, as bad as I now realize they are (let's face it; I'm a grown-up choir girl now in a grown-up choir that can actually cut off together...most of the time), I can't help but smile. I still remember most of the words, and I still remember some of the notes, but it's really the people that made the music come alive. And at the same time, it was the music that made us come alive for each other. I always try to look towards the future and welcome growth and change, but if this is the stuff I'm going to get nostalgic for every now and then, I couldn't ask for anything better.

To those of you who read this and were there: you understand.

Things I should be doing right now:

1) Grading papers
2) grading quiz corrections
3) Writing a donation request letter to my place of employment from the non-profit choir that I sing with
4) Applying to Grad school

Things I am actually doing:
1) Writing in this blog
2) Looking at the papers I have to grade with generous amounts of loathing
3) Having no clue where those quizzes even are in my grading folder
4) Gearing up to play a few games of Bejeweled Blitz before my next class

With those things in mind, I'm actually having a pretty solid day. Sometimes I forget what good conversation can do for my general outlook on life. I had two good conversations so far today, and my afternoon class is always good for a few laughs, especially when I get stuck on ridiculous examples like "Panda bears and sunshine are the most important things in a girl's life." and use them to illustrate every concept that I am attempting to teach. For example, when talking about major versus minor details I might say "Discuss three reasons why panda bears and sunshine are the most important things in a girl's life." Or when I am explaining the concept of just stating the main idea of a paragraph instead of over-telling me, I will probably say "Don't write 'I am going to discuss three reasons why panda bears and sunshine are the most important things in a girl's life.' Write 'Panda bears and sunshine are the most important things in a girl's life because they are warm, cuddly, and bright.'"

My afternoon class enjoys these examples. My morning class does not stop speaking Hindi long enough to let me make funny examples. Ah, the trials and tribulations of a part-time adjunct professor at a local community college.

I am taking note of the fact that I am writing exactly the opposite way I am teaching my students to write. My excuse for this is that I am teaching them academic writing, and I am merely blogging at the moment. So there.

Ignorance is your new best friend.

I never could explain why it is that I tend to want to blog after typing a ridiculous amount of school work.

Perhaps I never will.

And now I don't feel like it anymore, haha. I think I'll just go to bed.

I think I'll bring my laptop with me to campus tomorrow. I hide out in the library a lot, and I always seem to run out of things to do on my break. Laptop time should fix that.

An update.

I always find the urge to blog when I am nowhere near a computer or near a computer that would be an unwise choice for the bloggings. Today is a prime example of this. I actually subbed for a computer teacher who (first time EVER) left me a log on for a computer. I started thinking about all of the wonderful things I could write, and then I realizes that School District in Which I am Subbing probably would not appreciate my bloggish musings.

I honestly do not feel like writing right now. However, I feel compelled to do so. I will explain why in a moment.

August was a bit of a whirlwind, so a general update on my whereabouts and well-being might be in order.

I moved out of 517. This was fraught with drama, and unnecessary bad feelings were foisted upon me. I moved out and moved on over to the West side, in with Boyfriend. I have been living here ever since. Very happy.

On the flip side of that very happy, School that I Wanted to Teach at Full-Time hired 4 people to teach English and none of them were me. Not cool. However, the very next day I got a call from Local Community College asking me if I would be interested in teaching a few lower level English classes. I accepted, so now I teach college on Tuesdays and Thursdays, sub on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and work at the good old Lodge on the weekends. With all of this, I believe I will have managed to cobble together the sort of acceptable income that allows me to live on my own but not save anything or have health insurance. Welcome to my mid-twenties.

The reason I felt compelled to write and will attempt to continue feeling compelled to write is my LCCC class. I gave my students an assignment that is designed to force them to write in a journal twice a week, and I feel like I would be letting them down if I were not practicing what I am preaching. So, while I teach them about nouns and verbs and stuff, I will be muddling along with them in their journal-writing struggles. And I promise I will work on concluding sentences.

Wait, what?

I have titled this post as such because I have a habit of mishearing things. I often have to ask my friends and students to repeat themselves. It's something I'm working on.

The real idea that sparked this blog entry was the fact that I often tend to mishear song lyrics. I'm sure that I am not alone in this matter, but sometimes I get rather upset when I hear the wrong thing. I'm an English teacher, and I have been taughtt to critically read. Song lyrics are just poems set to music, therefore I pay a lot of attention to the multiple layers of meanings that come with lyrics.

The problem with this critical approach to lyrics coupled with my frequency to mishear lyrics is that I tend to form opinions of songs based on the lyrics I think I hear. When I eventually get around to looking up the words on various websites and I find that they are not what I think I heard, I generally get upset. I can think of three specific times this has occurred in recent times. All three of these instances revolve around a single misheard word, but these words seriously affect the meaning of the particular lyric and/or the entire song for me.

1) Jack's Mannequin - "Miss California"
I initially heard the lyrics to the refrain as "You'll be Miss, Miss California/ You'll be kissed by only me." As I was trolling the internets, I came across the slight tidbit of information that it is actually "You'll be missed, Miss California." And this could be an incorrect or way out there interpretation, but the repetition of "miss" versus "missed" when looked at in the context of the rest of lyrics of song causes me to infer that "Miss California" is not going with our narrator willingly. And that makes me dislike the message of the song a little bit. Instead of me hearing a song about two people running away from the prying eyes of the rest of the world, I now hear a song about a dude trying to sequester his lady-friend. Not cool.

2) Raine Maida - "Yellow Brick Road"
I've only just recently begun listening to the amazingness that is Raine Maida's solo album that features all acoustic instruments, spoken word, and oodles of those deep lyrics that I love to interpret as applying to my life and my life only as if they were written just for me. Narcissist in the house. Aside from Raine quoting T.S. Eliot in this song (and not just any old T.S. lines, oh no. It had to be one of my fav lines from my fav poem, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"), I initially heard my other favorite line in the song as "We were having a near-life experience." I LOVED the idea of this line, because I've heard all about near-death experiences, but who thinks of NEAR-LIFE experiences?? Brilliant! Then I looked up the lyrics, and found that all of the lyrics sites I checked stated that the line was actually "We were having a mere life experience." How cheap! To imply that these people that are described in this fantastic song are just "merely living" lessened the impact of that line. Thankfully, I have chosen to believe that my hearing of the lyrics is the correct one as I have now listened to the song about 20 more times, and I am convinced of an 'n' sound rather than an 'm.' I have also seriously considered creating a new Myspace in order to friend Raine Maida and message him this very question, "Near or mere, pal?"

3) Our Lady Peace - "Sorry"
Go figure, another Raine Maida related incident. This one is actually a lyric that was not "misheard" by me. I heard the first lyric of this song as "Today's a reason for living." All of the lyrics sites I have checked seem to agree with me. However, Boyfriend hears "Today's THE reason for living." Even though this is not my hearing of the lyric, it still creates an entirely different interpretation of the song for me. Instead of "today" being one of many reasons to live, when we hear "today" as "the" reason for living, I feel that it excludes a lot of other things worth living for. Tomorrow is a pretty good reason for living, too. Oreos, too. Laughter. The first season of Dollhouse on DVD with a super-secret-never-before-aired-epilogue-episode. Lots of other reasons for living. Although I could see that today being THE reason for living would lend itself to those "live for the now" people, I do like my interpretation better, and, since it seems that the interweb agrees with me, I have managed to stick with my reading.

I suppose the moral of this story (blog post?) is that words matter. Actions might speak louder than words, but the difference between "a" and "the" can be broad enough to blow your mind. So, choose your words wisely! You never know what crazy English teacher might be decoding and deciphering them at this very moment.

Things that make me mad #1

I have not felt compelled to blog for quite some time. Shame on me. Anyway.

I like that some of my blogger friends have frequent posts that follow the same theme or pattern. Thus begins "Things that make me mad."

Tuesday, I drove into Manhattan with Boyfriend to go see Our Lady Peace at Irving Plaza. (Things that make me glad #1?) The show was so amazing that I got the idea at approximately 2:35 this morning (approximately 10 minutes ago) to check LiveNation's site to see if there were any tickets left for the Philly show. Yes, OLP was that good. So good, in fact, that I would like to see them again in a little less than a month. That's just dandy, isn't it?

Well, here's the thing that makes me mad. You might think that there were no tickets available. Ah, but there were. I could not get them in the cheaper 4 pack promotion because it seems that there may be not be any of those promotional packs left. Alas. So, I checked for two adults, and I found two tickets available at the $20 price. Great, right? After Tuesday's show, $40 seems like a more than fair ticket price.

Then I saw the actual purchase page. On top of each $20 ticket price was a convenience charge of $10 and a venue fee of $2. Seriously? That made each ticket cost $32 apiece, and seriously made me rethink purchasing these tickets. I understand that the economy is shitty and we all have to make money some way or another, but is it really necessary for a THIRD of the ticket price to be random fees? Why not just say that the price of a ticket is $32 and leave it at that? It looks way better than saying the ticket is $20 and then spanking the ass of the unassuming consumer with a ridiculous amount of convenience charges. I love you, Raine Maida...but fuck that.

I've been doing a lot of reading about the whole proposed LiveNation/Ticketmaster merger/monopoly/cluster-fuck, and I really can't decide if the whole concert industry is going to get better or worse because of it. They say that by merging or buying each other out or monopolozing the concert industry or what-fucking-ever they're going to reinvent the concert-going experience and ultimately make live music by national and international touring acts (like badass Canadian rockers such as OLP) more affordable and accessible to the masses. LiveMaster or TicketNation will then save the world with the power of rock and the concert-goer will be happy and the venue will be happy and the artist will be happy and we'll all get naked together and have one giant lovefest-orgy of happiness. Maybe I'm just skeptical of corporate America, but I really don't see that happening.

I really loved the OLP concert because it was in a venue like The Fillmore at Irving Plaza. It felt like a club show because it was a small venue and we were packed in like sardines and Raine Maida is fucking crazy and climbs balconies. I don't think that I should have to pay $40+ for a club show because of ridiculous fees. I end my rant having no idea what I would like to see happen. I think that $32 is still way too high a ticket price for a show at a relatively small venue, so maybe more people would still balk at sky-high prices if the fees were just included in the face value of the ticket. I have no real answers; I just wanted to bitch for a little. Thanks.

High School might never end...

But I don't think anyone ever really experiences a high quite like being in love at your senior prom.

I thought about that today while I listened to the seniors in the class I was subbing for talk about prom and various senior activities and graduation, etc.

High school was a really good time for me. I know that it was not for other people. But I doubt that anyone can argue the intensity of the feelings we all felt. Whether they were good or bad, it was likely that it was the first time you were really feeling them. Maybe I'm wrong; maybe I'm the only one who became hyper-aware of myself and my emotions during those crazy four years. And maybe I was the only one who was wishing it didn't have to end because nothing could ever be that good and that bad and that wonderful and that terrible all at the same time. And sometimes in the same moment. The same instant.

Don't get me wrong, I am so not forgetting college. College was awesome, too. But it was a different kind of awesome. It was awesome without the innocence. That's a big part of it, I think. The fact that, for me at least, there was still an innocence about high school. That made the kids who picked on me seem that much worse. That made the first kiss I shared with the first boy I fell in love with that much sweeter, that much more important.

I've come very far since high school, and I have farther still to go. As much as being a substitute teacher sucks at the moment, it's really nice to be able to watch certain kids relish in the experiences, the joys and the pains, with the same vigor that I did. Those who know me know that I've always been a person who succumbs to nostalgia easily. I like the perspective this side of the desk is giving me.

1,000,001

That's how many different thoughts I feel are going through my head right now.

I have to mail out my crestwood app.

I have to actually print all of the components of my crestwood app.

However, I don't want to fuck with the printer because it needs a new cartridge.

We print way too much stuff in this apartment.

Maybe moving away won't be such a terrible idea after all.

Maybe I need a fresh start of sorts.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't engage in any sort of long distance relationship.

But it's normal to have doubts.

I'm not weird, I'm normal.

We all keep something or other from everyone else.

No one can be completely honest and open.

I think I had that once?

I just need to get out.

I'm going to shower and go for a walk.

Realization.

Everyone that has ever gotten close to me still has a piece of my heart. Especially if that closeness felt unresolved in any way.

Please don't take this the wrong way. But I think that there will always be a tiny piece of me that loves you in a ridiculously inappropriate way. There's something that I haven't told anyone, primarily because I didn't realize it til 2 minutes ago.

I'm such a quitter.

Obviously, I have given up on BEDA. I have come to the conclusion that I will only write when I want to. Do not pressure me, April, to write something, anything, every day, for it only turns out to be meaningless crap.

I never realized how much the shake-up in Boyfriend's band really affected me. Granted, it affects me greatly due to me being the new lead singer. Shameless self-promotion? But I also feel like I lost two friends in the process. Although, maybe they weren't really all that good friends to me in the first place? I suppose I barely knew them? I'm questioning a lot of things lately. And like the students' papers that I see every time I substitute, I either suck at adding necessary detail, or I just don't feel like it.

BEDA 12: Vindictive?

Hope you were there tonight. Hope you heard those tunes and remembered what a douchey person you are.

I suck at BEDA. Last night was awesome. That is all.

Used all my best thoughts in a comment.

I'm bad at thinking lately. So read this response to



Super Amazing College Choir Director That I Am In Love With Despite His Being Married did that with his now wife, too.

I’ve been thinking on marriage a lot lately (mostly due to reading your blog, haha) and I think I would like to hyphenate last names. I like my last name too much to do away with completely.

Also, if you have free time tomorrow, my friend Jess is coming over, and we’re going to watch Twilight and play our patent-pending Twilight drinking game. Every time Edward broods, do a shot. We’ll be drunk within the first 23 minutes of the movie.

Finally, congratulations. I am super-de-dooper excited for you. And should def be invited to wedding. Just saying. Or, if you need music during the service, I could totally provide that. With my voice. I don’t play any instruments. An a capella version of Pachelbel’s Canon in D? Damnit. I was supposed to be blogging for myself. Perhaps I will just post this comment as my blog entry?

April 8 - Interview Part 1

These questions came to me awhile ago from one . I've just gotten the nerve to answer them now.

1) There's at least one person you wish you could tell something that you never had the courage to say. Say it now without mentioning his/her name.

I'm not quite torn up about this in the way that you might think. Not anymore. But maybe I should have communicated with you better. I complained a lot about all the problems, to the point that friends of mine formed horrible opinions of you. But I suppose I just couldn't understand that communication is supposed to go both ways. I could have opened the lines, and I didn't. So, maybe I took the easy way out. I think that we're both better off for it anyway.

April 7. Yes. I missed a day.

I was actually considering backdating an entry, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. The sad part about yesterday is that I did absolutely nothing other than go to school, sleep, go to choir, and sleep some more.

My main accomplishments from the last week or so have been:
-Getting an interview with Upward Bound for a position as the theatre teacher.
-Just having to submit a letter of intent to Lake Lehman in order to get an interview for a full time English position.
-My bffl is arriving in the United States in less than 48 hours.
-I'll be starting Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows tomorrow during school, which will bring my whirlwind rereading of the entire HP series to a close.

Tomorrow, I will actually answer some questions.

Even if I didn't major in English, books would still be a huge part of my life.

And as I find the ones that I truly love, I will continue to reread them. I am currently reading the Harry Potter series again. I'm doing a full read through, and I'm in the middle of Order of the Phoenix. This will probably be the 6th or 7th time that I have done this. On break from work yesterday, my manager asked me what I was reading. I told him, and his response, like so many others', was "Again?"

Yes, again. I love these books. They are wonderfully told stories, and J. K. Rowling has managed to create a world that entices and amazes me. Why would I not want to visit that world as much as possible? Beside that fact, it is possible to miss quite a bit in 7 books. It's also quite possible to forget a lot in 7 books. With each repeated reading, I read more closely, and pick up on things I might have missed the first...5 times.

This defense of multiple readings segues nicely into why the majority of my friends are my friends. They understand these facts about me without question.

April 4

I promise I will get back to more interesting and innovative titles very soon. If I were awesome enough that I could have people ask me questions like John Green, then I feel that BEDA would be even more awesome. Alas, I am not THAT awesome. I never forget to be awesome, but some people's level of awesome is definitely way above mine. Anywho, Wrestlemania party tomorrow. Yeah, I said it. Now I have to go shower and get ready for my day and all that jazz...!

April 3

I read in the paper today that a teacher from Lake Lehman resigned with a few months left to go in the school year. Apparently he did this once before at Hazleton, but still got hired at Lehman. This makes me think a million different things, all of which generally lead up to: I have to step up my game.

English majors are a dime a dozen.

Never has this statement been so true. Today, I went over the main office for a summer program that my roommate was involved in last summer. The same program that rejected me last summer. The director of the program told me that she would keep me in mind, which apparently she did, as she greeted me relatively warmly when I entered her office. She told me that she was just looking at my application, but what she really needed were some more math and science oriented tutor counselors. Awesome. I'm not so good at those subjects.

However, there may be a light at the end of the tunnel in the form of the possibility of becoming the theatre teacher for the program. That would be neat. And a nice thing to put on a resume. And I'd get to plan daily lessons and things. So, we'll see. Cross your fingers?

BEDA

I'm going to do it. I neglect my blog far too much. If it's good enough for John Green and Maureen Johnson, it's good enough for me. I can't guarantee that my participation in BEDA will produce any high quality blog writing, but I suppose we're really looking for quantity, right?

New post. Every day. Blog every day April.

One down...

One ridiculous thing to go. RDC just finished the annual Bach Festival on Sunday. That's a load off my mind. Now, I just have to really actually learn my effing lines for this other thing I'm doing, which will be over come Saturday night. I have inventory on Sunday, so I'm looking at approximately 12 hours of work, but then everything winds down and goes back to normal for a bit. And hopefully by going back to normal for a bit I mean that my voice comes back at 100%. I'm tired of pussy-footing around when it comes to singing.

You know, I really hated the St. John's Passion when we started it for Bach fest. Now, I can't get it out of my head. It truly was a wonderful experience, and I'm lucky to have had it. I wanted to wax poetic on how there are very few things that can cause me to shed tears of sheer happiness. I'm not going to go into ridiculous detail, but my choir director at the end of a really strong performance is one of those people who can make you cry tears of joy through the mere strength of his enthusiasm. A few tears did squeak out. And it was awesome.

?

I'm having a hard time writing in here. Everything is way too up and down at this point to really get a handle on anything before I'm jerked to the next thing or idea or plan. I've been writing a lot of journal entries on actual paper as I'm subbing. I'll get around to putting those in here.

525,600 minutes.

Someone please remind me to wax poetic on what a difference a year makes. And how facebook is extremely detrimental to my emotional well-being.

Being sick sucks.

I haven't gone to work since Monday when I left the lodge early because I was super positive that I had a fever and a pretty bad cold. Three days later, my fever seems to have finally broken, I have 10 days worth of antibiotics to be taking, and my head still feels like it's disconnected from my body. Needless to say, I'll probably be taking tomorrow off as well. The crappy thing is, I still have about $450 worth of bills left to pay for the month, and I have no idea when WB Area pays their subs. I should be getting a pretty hefty check from them eventually.

So, I'm sick, my roommates are all sick, my boyfriend is sick...what's not to love? I thought I had more to say, but I guess I don't. I think I may go attempt to shower because my hair looks absolutely horrific. Perhaps the steam will clear up the sinuses as well. Ciao.

And in the backseat we just try to find some room to breathe...

I am borderline obsessed with The Gaslight Anthem and the song "The Backseat." I've also spent a good deal of time reading books about emo as a cultural study, and I think it may be rubbing off on me with some dire consequences. I was already emo enough, damnit. I don't need to sit around and cry about my life for no reason in addition to the music I listen to and the skinny jeans that I wear.

Which is exactly the point of this entry, by the way. I officially did not get the long-term sub position at Lehman. I think I was more or less prepared for the blow due to the fact that it took them so long for them to call me back after I left two follow-up messages in regards to the interview. Subbing is going relatively well. Putting in to sub at W-B Area was one of the smartest decisions I could have made, and once I figure out how their pay periods work, I will be back in the good graces of financial stability.

The one thing that is not going too well in my existence, is my current state of employment at my retail job. I am still working there every weekend, and I am still technically a supervisor. I am very pleased with my pay, and, most of the time, working there is a pleasure. We had some major shake-ups happen over the summer, and a lot of our upper management was canned. We had new people come in and take the reigns in recent months, and I'm almost positive they are intent on running this place into the ground. This is trickling down to the directors, which is trickling down to the managers, which is trickling down to the supervisors and line level employees, and all it is doing is creating a shitty work environment for everyone. I have a life outside of this job, and sometimes this life happens on days that I would usually work there. Thus, I make requests for time off. These requests are generally ignored. Like last Saturday. And this Saturday. I do favors for everyone there, and when I need a favor, I get screwed. I'm tired of it, and I'm tired of working there. It used to make me happy to go to work. I used to have fun. Now, it's become just another source of much-needed income. With the state of the economy, I know I should not complain because I know there are people out there who would kill for the job I have and the pay that I make.

Well, I hope that someone who deserves and really needs my job eventually gets it. I'm in the process of looking for other work, and I'm exploring as many outlets as I possibly can. Unfortunately, I can only substitute teach on school days, so I need something for either after school or on the weekends. I'm looking into different tutoring opportunities and other education related things. If you know of anything that I might be good at, feel free to let me know.

And I guess this is what separates me from emo-kids the most. Instead of sitting around and merely complaining about the issue, I'm really trying to take my destiny into my own hands. I have goals, and I intend to work as hard as I possibly can to achieve them.

We are, we are all innocent.

I have not written anything for the month of february yet. Shame on me. I suppose I'm in the mood to write something right now.

I am pretty peeved that Boyfriend fell asleep and most likely did not see the end of the most awesome episode of Scrubs ever. Great story, awesome jokes, Ted gets a girl, and OLP's "Innocent" was J.D.'s summing-it-all-up montage music. That song means a lot to the both of us, so of course I immediately called him (he's traveling for work this week which means I miss him a lot.), and he didn't pick up. After driving for a good 3-4 hours and probably doing some work, he really cannot be blamed for falling asleep. Alas, it would have been cool to have him pick up the phone and just be like "I know!" like I know he would have.

Anywho, I've given up hope on that Lake Lehman job. I'm subbing pretty steadily between WVW and Wilkes-Barre Area, but I'm still worried that even subbing steadily won't make ends meet. And if I want to move forward with carefully shrouded plans, ends need to meet. I need to get a full-time gig in my field in this area. And I am freaking out about this. Pre-freaking, as Boyfriend would say. And maybe I'm being irrational, but really? They couldn't even call me to tell me that I didn't get the job? That definitely would have helped ease my troubled mind, man. I think I might stop writing about this because I'm starting to really upset myself. Things will work themselves out the way they are supposed to, and that's that.

So maybe I'll live longer?

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=97320958&sc=emaf
Read that article.

I've actually been trying not to post in this until I have news on the job interview I went on recently. However, I really liked that article, so perhaps you'll like it, too.

A hard-hitting, all-facts, no-holds-barred interview!

I'm sure I did this a thousand times per year on the good ol' LJ, but I still like the idea of this one. So, here goes:

The rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five
Questions!
(These are Questions for me from one Miss Shannon)
1) What one quote/lyric/etc do you live your life by? Why?
2) What is your earliest memory?
3) What would someone be surprised to learn about you?
4) If you had to pick one meal to eat for the rest of your life, what would it be?
5) Would you ever do anything just to get on tv?

1. "There is always hope." Since senior year of high school, PMEA Region IV Chorus, this quote has been the one static thing about my AIM profile. (Yes, I still use AIM. Do not judge me.) Our guest conductor gave us this really awesome speech, and, near the end, he told us to remember that no matter how shitty things get, there is always hope. I don't necessarily live my life by these words, but I hang on to them for dear life when the weight of the world is crushing my shoulders into my shins and everyone seems to want to kick me when I'm down and/or in the fetal position trying not to convulse from all the stress. I just remember, "There is always hope."

2. That is a ridiculously difficult question to answer. I remember extraordinarily ridiculous things about my school-age years, but not so much about my early years. For instance, I remember in 7th grade, when we wrote our first MLA style research papers, I wrote mine on greek mythology and how fucked up the familial relations between the gods were, and I got a 97. The earliest thing I can remember right now is me probably around the age of 4 or 5. I had either just started pre-school or kindergarten, and my mom was driving me to school in the subaru. And I was reading her the weather report from the back page of the Pocono Record. If I thought harder about this, I could probably think of something earlier than that, but it's that time of the month and I have some pretty debilitating cramps right now. See previous answer about being in the fetal position and trying not to convulse for an accurate mental image of my pain right now.

3. I am currently obsessed with Gossip Girl. This embarrasses me like you would not believe. But it's just so trashy and marvelous that I can't help myself. It most certainly will never take the place of Sex and the City in my heart, but, gosh darn it, those crazy upper east siders sure are gonna try. I started watching it because I had run out of tv to watch online and my students at the charter school used to tell me that my clothes looked "mad Gossip Girl." I apparently wore a lot of plaid and headbands. Wait, I still do. I was curious because people identified my personal style with that of upper east side manhattan fashionistas. And then I was hooked. Now everyone that reads this blog knows my awful secret.

4. If I could only eat one meal for the rest of my life, I think I would only eat Thanksgiving dinner. Turkey, stuffing, green bean casserole, rolls, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, etc. I would probably weight a thousand pounds. I'm pretty sure that there is something about this combination of foods that causes one to eat as much as he or she possibly can in one sitting, thus the massive weight gain.

5. I would do a lot of things just to do them, but I do not think I would ever do anything just to get on TV. Something about a ridiculous desire for exposure like that irks me a lot. I mean, I like attention as much as the next girl, but not enough to flash my tits to Bret Michaels on national television. Or be in the same room with Flava Flav. Or eat bugs or bull testicles. If I really wanted to do any of things, TV would not be a factor in the decision.

That was fun. If anyone would like me to interview them, feel free!

I'm officially cool now.

According to my roommates, I am no longer a muggle. I didn't know how to explain to them that I had never been a muggle, so I just went with it.

Chris, Devin, and I went geocaching today. Because there were about 8 caches in Frances Slocum, we decided to go there. We searched for 4 of them, and found two, which I thought was pretty good. In the geocaching world, general pedestrians are called muggles. Since I found my first caches today, I am no longer a muggle. Appropriately enough, one of the caches we searched for and found was entitled "The Sorcerer's Stone," and initially it was Harry Potter themed! I obviously insisted that we find this one. Unfortunately, there were no more Harry Potter related things in there, so we left a Marmaduke cartoon, and I think Devin took a button. Now that I really think about it, I should have written some HP related things in the log-book. Maybe we'll find that one again when it's not snowing and such and I will do exactly that.

So, that was definitely better than sitting at the middle school again today. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. And we made tacos when we got home. I am currently listening to the latest Hush Sound album, and I am thoroughly enjoying that as well. Once my laundry is done, I'm heading over to boyfriend's for dinner and practice. It's been/will continue to be a good day.

I think I will add "Blogging when happy" to my list of resolutions. When I was explaining the random dream that I wrote about the other day to Chris, he responded by asking me if I would be offended if he told me that that was the most boring dream ever. Reflecting on that, I have discovered that I can find joy in particularly mundane things, which should make my "blogging when happy" resolution rather easy to uphold. We shall see.

It's 12:44 am, I must be lonely...

Among the many other things in this world that I am in love with, I perhaps love the fact that my boyfriend sings and plays guitar most of all. Although the fact that he likes to sit and strum while I sing is high up on that list as well. I'm listening to a live-set that he had recorded a few days after we started publicly dating, and it's just making me so terrifically happy.

Stay tuned for Feb. 7th...

Anyway. I tried sushi tonight for the first time. It was an experience. Boyfriend was surprised that I ended up liking the tuna the best, as it was really the only raw fish roll that we had. What can I say; I'm surprising sometimes.

Tomorrow, barring an early morning call from WVW (which would really suck at this point, because I have severely fucked up my sleep schedule this week with all the non-work I've not been doing?), Chris, Devin, and I will be embarking on some geocaching excursions around this lovely area of NEPA.

Now, however, I should probably rest up. Either evil schoolchildren or icy hiking may climb my life tomorrow!

Unusually vivid dream...

I do not usually have extraordinarily vivid dreams, but I had one this morning. And I woke up following it, and I remembered everything. Very bizarre.

Anyway, in the dream, apparently the new assistant general manager at the Lodge was my stepfather. I do not know how this occurred, because I'm pretty sure even in the dream that my parents were still together. Either way, he was some kind of father-like figure in my life. He decided to take me shopping, and for some unknown reason, I picked the Gap. I wanted to find a pair of skinny-leg khaki pants. When we got there, there was a initially a counter and window setup kinda like Dominos over by Hoban, but minus the bullet-proof glass. At the counter, I saw one of the workers wearing the exact kind of pants that I wanted. She asked me if she could help me, and I asked her if the pants she had on were Gap pants. She said yes, and I told her I wanted a pair of those in a size 7. Thus started a wild goose chase for these pants that went through three sections of the store. All the while, AGM-Dad was standing at the window, and apparently he decided to be nice and pay for the pants up front. Well, Salesgirl and I kept looking, but all she ended up with was a pair of brown and blue striped flaired leg pants that I actually already have. She was like "Will these do?" I obviously said no. Why would I want a pair of pants that I already had? So I went back to AGM-Dad who showed me the receipt, and I was like "Well, just return it." So we did. And we left the Gap very angrily. When we got out to the parking lot (we were parked on a snow bank for some reason?) someone had vandalized the car. On the car, there used to be these stained glass pieces about the size of license plates above each headlight. They were shattered and laid all strewn about on the snow around the car. And then I woke up.

I felt the need to write about that. Vivid, but still pretty mundane, haha.

It's gonna be a happy new year...

So, it's January 2nd already, and I'm still in love with 2009. This is, thus far, one day longer than I have been in love with any year following the Ball dropping.

This year, I actually missed the ball drop. And I'm ok with that. I was blithering-idiot-drunk, I was in a basement full of people I didn't know, and I was holding a glass of champagne in one hand and a red solo cup of Miller Light in the other. But I was with the man I love, and it was the start of something new. I actually cried a little as I looked around that room. I don't remember the last time I'd been so hopeful. That's the only way I can describe it.

Needless to say, I had a supremely awesome New Year's Eve. And I was a little apprehensive at first, because wouldn't I have more fun hanging out with my roommates, just getting drunk in the living room? Who cares, I ended up having a blast.

I have so much to look forward to this year, and I've got nothing but time on my hands.

Resolutions? Sure.
1. Get better at introducing people. I really suck at that. This is number one because I think it's one that can very realistically be accomplished.
2. Get a full time teaching job.
3. If number two can not be completed as dialed, continue the sub game and start grad school.
4. Go somewhere. Take a vacation. Take a mini road trip. Just get out of NEPA for some period of time.
5. Relax more. Don't pre-freak. Case in point? Z2K9...I freaked, got myself upset, and then my Zune fixed itself. This resolution will also be known as Operation: Calm the Fuck Down or O:CtFD.
6. Get a little more organized. Bring up the filing cabinet. Get my shit for my taxes in order. So on, so forth.
7. Stop drinking so much fucking soda. This is last on the list, because I already suck at it, and I don't expect to be able to actually keep this one.

I woke up this morning, and my paycheck was already in my account. Sometimes hard work does pay off. I am extremely happy. What more can I ask for?